I opted more for the "not a -proper- girl" .. my shape doesn't allow ambiguity about me being female much. :) Sometimes I wonder if that lack of ambiguity by physical trait made it easier for me to step away from the cultural indicators of female-ness. Gender stereotypes are a supportive corset for many, but a straight-jacket they refuse to wear to lots of people too, and I guess the straight-jacket aspect is what I dislike most. Freedom for the non-stereotypical! ;-P
Re the "finding out they had been lied to", two things:
one, I'm married. "In sickness and health" means to me that when my husband falls sick I can't go looking for another man to replace him, but that I need to be able to shoulder the entire thing for both of us, just as I expect him to deal when I'm unable to fulfill my part of the division of Things That Need Doing. It's both a question of good sense and loyalty (although I'll never cook as nice scrambled eggs as he does :). When people live together, they'll distribute the daily work and it'll always leave a gap if a member of a household dies after a long time together, no matter how traditional or non-traditional the distribution (not even starting to mention grief).
two, I wouldn't be derisive about "I drank the cool-aid and it left a bitter aftertaste I don't like at all, let's see how I get better". What peeves me is "I was totally right to flunk my equivalent-of-college and pick the traditional womans role because that's the feminine thing to do, and girls now should also do as I did, but I should get a board room income and lots of power for being such a model wife, and you are anti-feminist when you say that girls should study hard and compete with men in all fields, and not just become florists and hairdressers. That's an unreasonable demand because that's not feminine!". My (male) boss of some years ago who did a disappearing act at 17:00 sharp no matter what was going on at work because he had to pick up his children from kindergarten did more for gender equality than they do, just by daring to be a father and not just a provider.
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Re the "finding out they had been lied to", two things:
one, I'm married. "In sickness and health" means to me that when my husband falls sick I can't go looking for another man to replace him, but that I need to be able to shoulder the entire thing for both of us, just as I expect him to deal when I'm unable to fulfill my part of the division of Things That Need Doing. It's both a question of good sense and loyalty (although I'll never cook as nice scrambled eggs as he does :). When people live together, they'll distribute the daily work and it'll always leave a gap if a member of a household dies after a long time together, no matter how traditional or non-traditional the distribution (not even starting to mention grief).
two, I wouldn't be derisive about "I drank the cool-aid and it left a bitter aftertaste I don't like at all, let's see how I get better". What peeves me is "I was totally right to flunk my equivalent-of-college and pick the traditional womans role because that's the feminine thing to do, and girls now should also do as I did, but I should get a board room income and lots of power for being such a model wife, and you are anti-feminist when you say that girls should study hard and compete with men in all fields, and not just become florists and hairdressers. That's an unreasonable demand because that's not feminine!".
My (male) boss of some years ago who did a disappearing act at 17:00 sharp no matter what was going on at work because he had to pick up his children from kindergarten did more for gender equality than they do, just by daring to be a father and not just a provider.